Observation and Reflection
“The difference between those who do it and those who don’t do it is that, those who do it, do it.” - John Maxwell
Implementation is crucial to your growth. The ability to get your butt in gear and just do it, can often separate the men from the boys so to speak. They say consistency is key, but I also like to add that it is intentionality that unlocks the door! What good is a a key if you don’t know how to use it? This is where observation and reflection come in.
Reflection is a type of stillness we enter AFTER performing a task in order to mentally replay, review and reflect on what happened. In reflection, it is good to ask yourself questions like…
What did I do right?
What did I do wrong?
What can I do better next time?
If you are intentional about growth or better performance in a particular area, reflection is an essential practice in that journey. It’s a form of self-critique. If you never reflect on and critique your performance, whether it be in a sport, work, art, cooking or even just conversation, it will be difficult to gain the footing for growth.
While reflection is a type of stillness AFTER performing a task, observation is a type of stillness DURING a task that allows us to focus in on and observe what is happening in real time.
It requires intention, effort and curiosity to reflect after a task, but with a simple prompt to do so, I think most people have the ability to reflect at least somewhat effectively. Depending on what you are performing, observation can be a quite a bit more challenging. In jiu-jitsu for instance, being able to create enough stillness to observe what’s happening while someone is trying to choke you requires a lot of self-control. It’s not easy to stay calm, breath and observe what’s going on in the heat of battle! Same thing may apply in a heated conversation, emergency situation or any form of intense activity. Observation requires self-awareness, self-control and even skill.
I see reflection as a level 1 practice and observation as a level 2. While it very useful to look back and reflect on a situation so that you can approach it better next time, it is of even more value to be able to do that in a live situation so that you can make those adjustments on the fly.
How many times have you reflected on a conversation and wished you could have said the things then, that you just thought of now! I know I have!
Through the intentional practice of reflection you will become more and more aware in live scenarios to begin observing and making adjustments as needed. This can be a life-savor and a growth accelerator!
One last thought to consider is the ability to reflect and observe the external as well as the internal. External reflection and observation has more to do with what is actually going on or what happened, while internal reflection and observation has more to do with how felt or are feeling in the process. While it may be spot on, sometimes what you’re feeling doesn’t always match with what is actually happening. It’s important we learn the practice of both so we can gain a full understanding of the situation in order to grow effectively.
So while it is important to learn to get off your butt and just do it, the next step is to observe, reflect and be intentional about your growth.
Know Your Enemy
This question may sound a bit funny considering the title but, how well do you know yourself? Did you know the one person who is often most to blame when it comes to achieving goals, is yourself? At the end of the day, you need to take ownership for your life. You have to come to the understanding that while you may not always be in control of your circumstances, you are in control of how you work out your circumstances. You have to make the decision to take ownership for yourself.
“You have to know yourself to grow yourself.” - John Maxwell
How well do you really know yourself?
“The work we do is a reflection of who we are. If we are sloppy at it, it is because we are sloppy inside. If we are late, it is because we are late inside. If we are bored, it’s because we are bored inside, with ourselves, not work. The most menial work can be a piece of art when done by an artist. So the job here is not outside ourselves, but within. How we do our work becomes a mirror of who we are inside.” From the E-Myth Revisited Page 199-200
The work we do is a reflection of who we are! Not only are our attitude and actions a reflection of who we are, but our work. This is to include how we work at our place of business, our chores at home, school work and even how we set and tackle our goals. How we function and perform in all of these areas is a reflection of who we are at the core!
Now, I don’t want to misguide or cause you to stumble. I have had to learn overtime how to separate my personal identity from my business and achievements. I am NOT saying you are your achievements. This type of mindset can cause depression and a sense of worthlessness.
To give a quick example, consider this… When you practice an art like jiu-jitsu, you are fighting to control and submit your opponent with a joint lock or choke hold. If you are caught in a submission that you can not escape, you only have 2 options, tap out (admit defeat) or get seriously hurt. Tapping out and admitting defeat is a VERY humbling experience. You are essentially admitting that someone is better than you. If you believe in your mind that, that is a reflection of who you are “personally” than you are going to be crushed.
It is important to realize that when you tap in jiu-jitsu, it is not an admittance that your opponent is a better person than you, you are acknowledging that, at that moment, they did a better job than you… at jiu-jitsu. There is a BIG difference in mindset here!
If you want a clear picture of who you are as a person, evaluate how you handled that experience. Did you make excuses? Did you get upset and walk of the mat? Did you compliment your opponent, shake it off and go again!? Did you learn from your mistakes and correct them? That’s who you are! Whether it be on the practice mat or at the World Championships. While in self-defense there is no tap, in practice and even competition, not tapping and getting your arm broken is NOT a sign of strength, it’s a denial that someone got the better of you. It takes strength to acknowledge that.
No matter the sport, on the flip side of competition, if you are the victor, the one always winning, that’s not who you are either! If you believe that, than when your time comes to an end, as it always does, who will you be then? Many athletes out of their prime struggle with depression because their identity was wrapped up in being the champion but when their reign ends, they no longer know who they are.
“Value is not found in the quest itself but in the manner which you pursue it.” -Luke Rinehart
While setting goals is nice, it is not the achievement of a goal that is ever the prize. In fact, the achievement of a goal is a self-limitation. By setting a goal, you are limiting yourself to the “thing” when the “way” is the more valuable asset. This is the difference between “goals” and “formations”.
Goals say,"This is what I want to achieve in this amount of time”.
Formations say, “This is who I want to become and who I will strive to be in everything I do”.
Do you give it your all? Do you take ownership of your choices and actions? Do you cheat and make excuses? Do you work honestly and with integrity? Do you even really pay attention to and evaluate these things?
In what manner do you pursue your goals, work and life? This is a better reflection of who you are at the core. These qualities about yourself can also continually change and improve. If you don’t respect who you are, discern what qualities you respect in others, and strive to imitate them yourself.
There is a process of Self-Coaching that needs to take place in order to truly take ownership of who you are and what you do. We all self-coach but most people do it to their detriment. They make excuses, talk themselves down and coach themselves out of achieving their goals and becoming the person they want to be. The art of Self - Coaching teaches you to turn this downward spiral of self-talk into your greatest source of encouragement, inspiration and motivation!
As a self-coach you learn to discover and operate from your core being…your wellspring! You are on a constant path of self-discovery, evaluation and betterment. Again I reiterate, YOU are often your worst enemy. Do you know your enemy?
Creating Distance
In my last blog I wrote about why we need to learn how to identify and close the gap. There is the distance gap which is the space between where we are (point A) and where we want to be (point b). We need to learn how to effectively close this gap if we want to grow. There is also 8 prevention gaps which prevent us from moving forward for various reasons. It is important to identify which prevention gap we tend to get stuck in and learn to effectively close it. If we don’t deal with the prevention gap we can never close the distance gap.
In relationship to jiu-jitsu, I mentioned how in jiu-jitsu we believe that he who manages the distance, manages the damage. There are only 2 places you want to be as a jiu-jitsu fighter
Too far away to get hurt. Which basically means you are just out of reach.
In too close to get hurt. Which means you are Clinching in some fashion.
In order to transition from Point A (being out of reach), to point B (The Clinch), you have to learn to safely & effectively “Close the gap”. Likewise, when you are Clinching you have to learn to safely & effectively create distance when necessary. The gap is the space we never want to remain in.
The gap is a vulnerable space that is necessary to enter when working toward our goals but it is not meant to be the place we remain constantly. We move in and out of the gap in order to remain too far away or too close.
Sometimes when we are trying to close the gap, we get resistance. This resistance can sometimes just be an obstacle in closing the gap or it can be a space we will never break though. If that’s the case, we are likely to get badly hurt if we remain there. In this situation, we may need to create distance.
There may be relationships in your life that you are trying to close the gap on. You are trying to mend them and pursue them but you are not being let in. You are being hurt by the other party and if you stay there, you are risking serious injury whether it be physical, mental or emotional.
If this is the case, you need to create distance or “Boundaries” in this relationship.
Create enough distance so that you can not be hurt by this person anymore. That distance can be different for everyone.
Maybe you have an addiction of sorts. Cigarettes, alcohol, pornography, sugar, social media…this list can go on and on.
Anything in your life that you have trouble resisting, you become a slave to. You need to create distance from these things as they drastically hinder your growth and health.
The game plan for creating distance is going to look different depending on what it is you are creating distance from, but you have to come up with a plan and some support or accountability.
While it is crucial to our growth that we learn to close the gap, it is often just as crucial that we learn to create distance and boundaries when it is necessary. Moving forward is NOT always the best option.
Rener Gracie, a famous jiu-jitsu Instructor, speaks about the Punch Power Scale. The scale varies from 1-10. Level one punches do the least amount of damage. They are not anything to even be concerned about. Level Ten being the punches that can do serious harm. The factor that determines the level you are being hit with is the distance. Remember, we want to either be in too close to get hurt or too far away. The gap in the middle is level 10. If you manage the distance well, you manage the damage.
You should always expect to suffer in personal growth and in relationships. You will be getting hit with level 1 to level 5 punches all the time. It comes with the territory. It’s life. When you feel you are constantly being hit with level 6-10 punches, you are in the gap and really need to consider whether you need to close the gap or create distance in order to get safe. Do not stay in the gap!
Closing the Gap
In Jiu-Jitsu we believe that he who manages the distance, manages the damage. There are only 2 places you want to be as a jiu-jitsu fighter…
Too far away to get hurt. Which basically means you are just out of reach.
In too close to get hurt. Which means you are Clinching to and controlling your opponent in some fashion.
In order to transition from Point A (being out of reach), to point B (The Clinch), you have to learn to safely & effectively “Close the gap”. Likewise, when you are Clinching you have to learn to safely & effectively create distance when necessary.
This is an ongoing process in jiu-jitsu. If you learn to master distance management, you are essentially in control of the fight.
Closing the gap is a vulnerable action because you have to cross the danger zone in order to do so. The danger zone, or the gap, is the area where your opponent has the ability to possibly inflict serious damage on you. It’s the area between point A and point B. It’s the area you don’t want to be in. It takes proper skill, timing, confidence and follow through to do this safely and effectively.
This relates to life and growth in so many ways! Anyone who has a desire to grow or to set and reach goals has to learn to effectively identify & “Close the Gap”.
In the 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, John Maxwell reveals 8 traps in our growth that he translates into 8 Gaps in our Learning.
The Assumption Gap - I assume that you will automatically grow.
The Knowledge Gap - I don’t know how to grow.
The Timing Gap - It’s not the right time to begin.
The Mistake Gap - I am afraid of making a mistake.
The Perfection Gap - I have to find the best way before I start.
The Inspiration Gap - I don’t feel like doing it.
The Comparison Gap - Others are better than I am.
The Expectation Gap - I thought it would be easier.
In order for us to grow or reach a goal, we have to travel from point A to point B. There is always a “Distance Gap” that needs to be closed in this process. Depending on the goal, the gap may be smaller or larger. We learn to effectively close this gap by developing a game plan for action and implementing it. On top of the ability to close the “Distance Gap” we have to identify and close the “Prevention Gap”. The prevention gaps are the 8 gaps I just listed above. These gaps prevent us from growing because they keep us stuck in a space that causes us to hesitate. In jiu-jitsu, the last thing you want to do when closing the gap, is hesitate. Hesitation will get you hurt.
In life, hesitation can prevent you from ever taking that next step, reaching your goals, and enjoying the many blessings that come with closing the gap.
Take a moment to reflect on what some of your current goals and dreams are.
What do you wish you were doing or could do?
Are you working towards that goal?
Who do you wish to become? (What kind of person do you want to be?)
Are you working towards this? How?
What’s preventing you? (Which prevention gap is keeping you from working toward it?)
How are YOU going to close the gap?