Know Your Enemy
This question may sound a bit funny considering the title but, how well do you know yourself? Did you know the one person who is often most to blame when it comes to achieving goals, is yourself? At the end of the day, you need to take ownership for your life. You have to come to the understanding that while you may not always be in control of your circumstances, you are in control of how you work out your circumstances. You have to make the decision to take ownership for yourself.
“You have to know yourself to grow yourself.” - John Maxwell
How well do you really know yourself?
“The work we do is a reflection of who we are. If we are sloppy at it, it is because we are sloppy inside. If we are late, it is because we are late inside. If we are bored, it’s because we are bored inside, with ourselves, not work. The most menial work can be a piece of art when done by an artist. So the job here is not outside ourselves, but within. How we do our work becomes a mirror of who we are inside.” From the E-Myth Revisited Page 199-200
The work we do is a reflection of who we are! Not only are our attitude and actions a reflection of who we are, but our work. This is to include how we work at our place of business, our chores at home, school work and even how we set and tackle our goals. How we function and perform in all of these areas is a reflection of who we are at the core!
Now, I don’t want to misguide or cause you to stumble. I have had to learn overtime how to separate my personal identity from my business and achievements. I am NOT saying you are your achievements. This type of mindset can cause depression and a sense of worthlessness.
To give a quick example, consider this… When you practice an art like jiu-jitsu, you are fighting to control and submit your opponent with a joint lock or choke hold. If you are caught in a submission that you can not escape, you only have 2 options, tap out (admit defeat) or get seriously hurt. Tapping out and admitting defeat is a VERY humbling experience. You are essentially admitting that someone is better than you. If you believe in your mind that, that is a reflection of who you are “personally” than you are going to be crushed.
It is important to realize that when you tap in jiu-jitsu, it is not an admittance that your opponent is a better person than you, you are acknowledging that, at that moment, they did a better job than you… at jiu-jitsu. There is a BIG difference in mindset here!
If you want a clear picture of who you are as a person, evaluate how you handled that experience. Did you make excuses? Did you get upset and walk of the mat? Did you compliment your opponent, shake it off and go again!? Did you learn from your mistakes and correct them? That’s who you are! Whether it be on the practice mat or at the World Championships. While in self-defense there is no tap, in practice and even competition, not tapping and getting your arm broken is NOT a sign of strength, it’s a denial that someone got the better of you. It takes strength to acknowledge that.
No matter the sport, on the flip side of competition, if you are the victor, the one always winning, that’s not who you are either! If you believe that, than when your time comes to an end, as it always does, who will you be then? Many athletes out of their prime struggle with depression because their identity was wrapped up in being the champion but when their reign ends, they no longer know who they are.
“Value is not found in the quest itself but in the manner which you pursue it.” -Luke Rinehart
While setting goals is nice, it is not the achievement of a goal that is ever the prize. In fact, the achievement of a goal is a self-limitation. By setting a goal, you are limiting yourself to the “thing” when the “way” is the more valuable asset. This is the difference between “goals” and “formations”.
Goals say,"This is what I want to achieve in this amount of time”.
Formations say, “This is who I want to become and who I will strive to be in everything I do”.
Do you give it your all? Do you take ownership of your choices and actions? Do you cheat and make excuses? Do you work honestly and with integrity? Do you even really pay attention to and evaluate these things?
In what manner do you pursue your goals, work and life? This is a better reflection of who you are at the core. These qualities about yourself can also continually change and improve. If you don’t respect who you are, discern what qualities you respect in others, and strive to imitate them yourself.
There is a process of Self-Coaching that needs to take place in order to truly take ownership of who you are and what you do. We all self-coach but most people do it to their detriment. They make excuses, talk themselves down and coach themselves out of achieving their goals and becoming the person they want to be. The art of Self - Coaching teaches you to turn this downward spiral of self-talk into your greatest source of encouragement, inspiration and motivation!
As a self-coach you learn to discover and operate from your core being…your wellspring! You are on a constant path of self-discovery, evaluation and betterment. Again I reiterate, YOU are often your worst enemy. Do you know your enemy?