Loss and Learn
When asked to define success you may immediately picture a beaming smile on a very fit, well-dressed man or woman, with large, deep pockets, extensive property and a beautiful family. We may immediately think Winner! Obviously, we all have different versions of success, but the trajectory involves accomplishment of preconceived goals. Person A seeks to run a marathon in under 4 hours and they are considered successful if they are able to actually do this with good old fashion hard work (as opposed to with the use of enhancements). Person B may very much want to be accepted to a graduate school or technical program that will land them the training they want (and preferably at the price they can afford). If they get accepted to the school of their choice and earn a scholarship to help pay for their tuition (bonus!), they will likely feel and be perceived as successful in the eyes of those who know their ambition.
What would happen though if Person A, or B, was not able to accomplish his or her preconceived goals? What if she did not make the time cut for the marathon she trained for so intently or he got denied acceptance into the advanced training program he was so determined to attend? Would they not be Winners? Would they not be successful?
Realistically, both individuals would have to concede that they did NOT, in fact, win. They were NOT successful at achieving their individual goals. And those of us who have moved and breathed in this world know that NOT winning, NOT succeeding, happens all too often. So much so that the growing trend, particularly with youth sports and activities, is to claim everyone as a winner.
Many have grown uncomfortable with the fact that losing is a solid fact of life, consequently they have worked to circumvent the process. Children never come in second place in many sports these days, and teams are asked to share winning trophies claiming that they were equally successful even if one team clearly outshined the other in skill, work ethic, and goal tallies.
I may be old-school, but I find this peculiar and somewhat defeatist. Rather than risk possible failure the trend now seems to be to assume we can’t win or that winning is devaluing to others, therefore we will non-competitively play what is inherently competitive. Undoubtedly, play for play sake is of immense value, but I am focusing on the value of competing for the sake of personal growth and achievement. A merit to highlight, not hide.
In my time as a martial artist I have realized that not only is competitive play extremely valuable, but also it is essential to personal growth. Imagine playing chess with the understanding that we will both win. Sounds kind of pointless, right? Of course the point of the game is to defend and capture. Opponents work diligently, quickly, and hopefully, without error. Without the goal of defeating your opponent there is really little point in playing what could arguably be one of the world’s most intellectually challenging activities. In fact, Benjamin Franklin says,
“The game of chess is not merely an idle amusement. Several very valuable qualities of the mind, useful in the course of human life, are to be acquired or strengthened by it… Life is a kind of Chess, in which we have often points to gain, and competitors or adversaries to contend with.”
Of course Franklin is right. Martial Arts, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu specifically, is very much a physically acted out chess match. No two opponents or matches alike. Basic principles can be applied but mental flexibility and many hours of practice allow one to progress and achieve. Likewise in both chess and jiu jitsu you must lose, and lose often, in order to gain competency. Losing is not only expected but absolutely necessary in order to achieve greater defense, improved offense, and well-developed strategies that incorporate both.
When your goal is improvement, then to lose is to learn.
The only player or practitioner who does not learn is the one who stomps off refusing to stay in the match. In my time as a martial arts coach I have seen several students enter their practice to fight and lose, fight and lose, fight and lose, repeatedly. These same students have astounded me in their perseverance to love a sport that seems to have them licked! But watching these students (both youth and adults alike) keep working, meet defeat regularly, and continue on is more than intriguing~ it’s inspiring!
Not surprisingly the payoff comes weeks, months and sometimes years into this process when that once oft defeated student begins to win….and win…and win some more.
What happened? Well, they weren’t just losing all that time. They were losing AND learning. With each defeat they grew in conviction to never again be defeated in that way or with this move. A defense was developed and practiced. A counter attack was added to the defense and so on and so forth until months later this strategic organism began to meld itself together much like the Terminator 2 character rising up from a metallic puddle into bionic man (or woman). It’s actually rather mesmerizing to watch such a transformation take place knowing that, finally, ALL the defeat, ALL the pain, ALL the ‘tap outs,’ have now paid off. The trophy, the first place metal, or belt that this student earns is of value, real value. No one conceded for them to earn this and no one would ever doubt the veracity of their journey because it was certainly hard- earned with equal measure blood, sweat, and tears. This is true success.
Without loss, we don’t learn. If we don’t learn we never feel true achievement.
Follow the example of others and put yourself into practices that allow you to lose, and lose often, in order to gain what is greater~Growth! Grow in your loss, strategize, ask questions, stay curious! Certainly you can’t get through this life without losing, so embrace the process and realize that Winners ~Lose! They lose early and often and they stick with it. They grow with every defeat and come out the better for it. By learning from loss we all have the potential to truly be successful!
For more information about ‘Losing and Learning’ check out:
Sometimes You Win—Sometimes You Learn: Life’s Greatest Lessons are Gained from Our Losses by John Maxwell.
