An Estuary Worth Cultivating
This year my daughter (and I, as her home school teacher) have been studying geography which has opened our eyes to a variety of geographical terms which are new to us both! It has been great fun to learn so much more about the variety of natural features that exist on our planet. One that I have found particularly fascinating are estuaries. Geographically speaking, there are over 1,200 places on the earth where estuaries exist and the incredible mixing of salt and fresh water occurs. The brackish combination is home to a wide variety of creatures, both flora and fauna, and is often created by the combination of freshwater rivers and saltwater oceans or seas flowing one into the other. Known by different names, these harbors, lagoons, fjords, or sounds are unique in the fact that they are ever changing depending on the tides, weather patterns, and movement of waters via boats and sea life.
What’s amazing about these unique environments is that the mixing of seawater and freshwater provides high levels of nutrients both in the water column and in sediment, making estuaries among the most productive natural habitats in the world. Estuaries also block the heavier flow of tidal waves making them a safe space for a variety of animals, such as small fish, shellfish, migrating birds and shore animals to thrive. In the U.S. alone we have more than a 100 estuaries including the largest one formed by the briny water of the Atlantic mixing with the milky blue waters of Lawrence River. As a Marylander I am certainly thankful for the beauty and bounty (think Maryland Blue crabs :) of the Chesapeake Bay ~a well-known, local estuary.
As you can imagine many early civilizations have made their homes near estuaries where they have both access to the clean, fresh water of the river for drinking and hygiene, and equal access to the ocean ways where ships can move freely for the development of trade and communication. Additionally, these harbors are often rich in nutrient-dense foods while being stunningly beautiful! In all ways this divine combination of salty and fresh waters provide an ideal location for life and beauty to flourish.
Studying these incredible habitats led me to think more deeply about what other conditions create abundant life? Are there other combinations that create the perfect habitat that allows for humans to not only survive, but to prosper? As one who seeks to grow in healthy ways, I am always on the lookout for the ‘perfect blend.’ What characteristics, lessons, attributes are most important to cultivate? What do I most need to teach my children before they leave home? What personal qualities must I model (and first possess!) which will bless those around me? All good questions, right?
“I can honestly say that my quest, though likely not exhaustive or complete, has consistently always led me back to these two virtues or pillars, if you will: Curiosity and Compassion.”
Curiosity, much like the oceanic side of the estuary forms the salty, grittiness that preserves life through its resolve to move steadily and powerfully. Like salt water, it acts as a detergent to any object which dare fall into its field. Like saline, which can both agitate and soothe, inquisitiveness reminds us that without it the greatest minds would have stagnantly lost aim. The quest to know more, to dig deeper, to probe into the unknown is what has led to our most prized discoveries. Albert Einstein even asserted that he was neither particularly talented nor clever but rather “passionately curious.” How many prospects have been made and treasures secured by simply asking and answering the question, “How does this work?”
Curiosity, both expansive and somewhat unyielding, has its ‘yin-like’ counterpart of Compassion, which deeply holds together the fibers of humanity. Compassion refreshes and washes away the stench of our dirtiness. It weeps with those who weep and laughs with those who laugh. Compassion grounds us in our connection to one another and much like those early settlers, who knew they needed to live close to the source of fresh water, we too know that compassion will purify our hearts, cleanse our spirit, and restore our souls. In his book Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life, Henri J.M. Nouwen writes,“The great mystery is not the cures, but the infinite compassion which is their source.” Though maintaining compassion at all times is arguably unattainable, we might all agree that being treated with compassion at all times is desirable, even heavenly. In this way we see the blessing of compassion and the promise it offers to be of immense value to each of us.
“While Compassion asks us to be vulnerable, to suffer, to experience our own pain and that of others, Curiosity leads us to dream big, to push farther than we thought possible, to reach out beyond what is comfortable.”
Put together these virtues create a beautiful safe harbor where life thrives both in its extension toward the unknown, exciting, and not-yet-grasped possibilities and its deep rootedness of meeting ourselves and others in the rich and real experiences of life, both painful and exhilarating. If we all would work to create an estuary of compassion and curiosity in ourselves I dare say we may have found a calling worthy of cultivation.
Loss and Learn
When asked to define success you may immediately picture a beaming smile on a very fit, well-dressed man or woman, with large, deep pockets, extensive property and a beautiful family. We may immediately think Winner! Obviously, we all have different versions of success, but the trajectory involves accomplishment of preconceived goals. Person A seeks to run a marathon in under 4 hours and they are considered successful if they are able to actually do this with good old fashion hard work (as opposed to with the use of enhancements). Person B may very much want to be accepted to a graduate school or technical program that will land them the training they want (and preferably at the price they can afford). If they get accepted to the school of their choice and earn a scholarship to help pay for their tuition (bonus!), they will likely feel and be perceived as successful in the eyes of those who know their ambition.
What would happen though if Person A, or B, was not able to accomplish his or her preconceived goals? What if she did not make the time cut for the marathon she trained for so intently or he got denied acceptance into the advanced training program he was so determined to attend? Would they not be Winners? Would they not be successful?
Realistically, both individuals would have to concede that they did NOT, in fact, win. They were NOT successful at achieving their individual goals. And those of us who have moved and breathed in this world know that NOT winning, NOT succeeding, happens all too often. So much so that the growing trend, particularly with youth sports and activities, is to claim everyone as a winner.
Many have grown uncomfortable with the fact that losing is a solid fact of life, consequently they have worked to circumvent the process. Children never come in second place in many sports these days, and teams are asked to share winning trophies claiming that they were equally successful even if one team clearly outshined the other in skill, work ethic, and goal tallies.
I may be old-school, but I find this peculiar and somewhat defeatist. Rather than risk possible failure the trend now seems to be to assume we can’t win or that winning is devaluing to others, therefore we will non-competitively play what is inherently competitive. Undoubtedly, play for play sake is of immense value, but I am focusing on the value of competing for the sake of personal growth and achievement. A merit to highlight, not hide.
In my time as a martial artist I have realized that not only is competitive play extremely valuable, but also it is essential to personal growth. Imagine playing chess with the understanding that we will both win. Sounds kind of pointless, right? Of course the point of the game is to defend and capture. Opponents work diligently, quickly, and hopefully, without error. Without the goal of defeating your opponent there is really little point in playing what could arguably be one of the world’s most intellectually challenging activities. In fact, Benjamin Franklin says,
“The game of chess is not merely an idle amusement. Several very valuable qualities of the mind, useful in the course of human life, are to be acquired or strengthened by it… Life is a kind of Chess, in which we have often points to gain, and competitors or adversaries to contend with.”
Of course Franklin is right. Martial Arts, and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu specifically, is very much a physically acted out chess match. No two opponents or matches alike. Basic principles can be applied but mental flexibility and many hours of practice allow one to progress and achieve. Likewise in both chess and jiu jitsu you must lose, and lose often, in order to gain competency. Losing is not only expected but absolutely necessary in order to achieve greater defense, improved offense, and well-developed strategies that incorporate both.
When your goal is improvement, then to lose is to learn.
The only player or practitioner who does not learn is the one who stomps off refusing to stay in the match. In my time as a martial arts coach I have seen several students enter their practice to fight and lose, fight and lose, fight and lose, repeatedly. These same students have astounded me in their perseverance to love a sport that seems to have them licked! But watching these students (both youth and adults alike) keep working, meet defeat regularly, and continue on is more than intriguing~ it’s inspiring!
Not surprisingly the payoff comes weeks, months and sometimes years into this process when that once oft defeated student begins to win….and win…and win some more.
What happened? Well, they weren’t just losing all that time. They were losing AND learning. With each defeat they grew in conviction to never again be defeated in that way or with this move. A defense was developed and practiced. A counter attack was added to the defense and so on and so forth until months later this strategic organism began to meld itself together much like the Terminator 2 character rising up from a metallic puddle into bionic man (or woman). It’s actually rather mesmerizing to watch such a transformation take place knowing that, finally, ALL the defeat, ALL the pain, ALL the ‘tap outs,’ have now paid off. The trophy, the first place metal, or belt that this student earns is of value, real value. No one conceded for them to earn this and no one would ever doubt the veracity of their journey because it was certainly hard- earned with equal measure blood, sweat, and tears. This is true success.
Without loss, we don’t learn. If we don’t learn we never feel true achievement.
Follow the example of others and put yourself into practices that allow you to lose, and lose often, in order to gain what is greater~Growth! Grow in your loss, strategize, ask questions, stay curious! Certainly you can’t get through this life without losing, so embrace the process and realize that Winners ~Lose! They lose early and often and they stick with it. They grow with every defeat and come out the better for it. By learning from loss we all have the potential to truly be successful!
For more information about ‘Losing and Learning’ check out:
Sometimes You Win—Sometimes You Learn: Life’s Greatest Lessons are Gained from Our Losses by John Maxwell.