Enneagram Demystified
If you are reading this you probably have heard of the personality typing tool known as the Enneagram, buuuttt…..are you mystified by it still? You may be wondering how is this strangely named paradigm relevant or helpful to me in my life, relationships, or unique situation. The short answer is~ in so many ways.
By nature, we are myopic. We see limited space and time in front of us, and we tend towards a lack of curiosity. Now, before the creative types turn off and tune out, let me explain. The premise of the Enneagram is that there are nine basic personality types that each have a unique set of core motivations driving what they think, feel, and do.
Inevitably, when I am working with a client they are astounded that the same fears and factors they possess do not drive others. These same clients will be the first to say, ‘Of course, it seems reasonable that we are all created differently and perceive life through unique lenses!’ We believe that most of us are like the rest of us, and to some degree, this is true; however, when we investigate the emotional centers of people, we tend to see that even with several people behaving in similar ways, there are unique and distinct variances in the motivation for their behavior. Cleanly put ~same what, different why. Knowing this is critical to growing in self-, others-, and God-awareness. Allow me to be more Ennea-specific….
Type Ones (1) are conscientious, sensible, ethical, responsible, idealistic, serious, self-disciplined, orderly, and feel personally obligated to improve themselves and their world. Internally, Type Ones struggle to believe that they are worthy or good enough because they have an inner critic constantly accusing them. To silence this berating voice, they are tough on themselves, striving always to do what is right without making mistakes, an exhausting and impossible task.
Type Twos (2) walk through life prioritizing relationships, making sure the people around them always feel well-cared for and loved. They take a genuine interest in others and come alongside anyone in need through their acts of service, helpful advice, and nurture. However, the depth of need and suffering in our world is especially burdensome to them as naturally sensitive and empathetic people. They feel that it is their job to alleviate the pain of hurting people around them, which is a constant responsibility. While they are selfless, loving, and giving, they can also be dependent, prideful, and hostile.
Type Threes (3) are optimistic, accomplished, and adaptable people who can achieve, excel and reach ambitious goals with apparent ease and confidence.
However, in our fast-paced and comparison-driven society, there are limitless opportunities to achieve more, drive results, and excel in new ways. They struggle to keep up with the belief that they must be successful in every area of life. Burdened to appear successful and impress the people around them, they live under constant pressure to measure their worth by external achievement and confidence.
Type Fours (4) live primarily in their imagination and feelings. Deep down, they have a hidden, idealized self, or a vision of the person they passionately desire to become. This idealized self is incredibly creative, socially adept, and universally desired. They measure themselves against this idealized self and constantly feel that they come up short. Feeling that they are somehow defective or flawed, they believe no one will truly love them, so they strive to become the idealized self to be loved.
Type Fives (5) are perceptive and innovative observers who walk through life with curiosity and a craving to learn new things. Their inquisitive mind can be objective and practical, making wise decisions based on reason and knowledge. They feel they lack inner resources and that too much interaction with others will lead to catastrophic depletion of their energy reserves. Therefore, they isolate themselves from others, hold onto their resources, and minimize their needs.
Type Sixes (6) are faithful, courageous, loyal, dutiful, and committed. Their real source of anxiety is their “internal committee” of voices that are constantly chiming in with contradictory thoughts, a multitude of different possibilities, analyses, worst-case scenarios, and questions. This “inner committee” continually causes them to second-guess themselves, doubt what they know, and consult others.
Type Sevens (7) are joyful, enthusiastic, and social people who radiate optimism in all situations. As lovers of variety, they live life big and are eager to enjoy all the new experiences that this world has to offer. They see endless possibilities and innovation all around them. Type 7s do not want to be limited, restricted, or bored. They are constantly battling the anxiety that they will never really get what they want and need in life and will always feel a deep emptiness inside. To distract themselves from these anxieties, they settle for any stimulation or experience.
Type Eights (8) engage life with a confident intensity, strength, and determination to make things happen. They want to present themselves as strong, self-assured, tough, and independent so they won't be harmed. But beneath their layers of armor is a very tender heart. They desire someone bigger and stronger than them to protect them. So they can relinquish their role of vigilant protector and remove their armor to reveal their gentle, caring side.
Type Nines (9) appear easy-going, pleasant, calm, and always willing to accommodate without strong preferences of their own. This hides the fact that they want independence and autonomy (not to be bothered so they can experience inner peace). If life or people interrupt their peaceful state, they will try to accommodate to keep the peace so they can quickly go back to their inner calm. They don’t often express their desires or feelings because they believe it will cause conflicts and discord. This causes them to suppress their anger and “go along to get along.” **
As we begin to understand that there are nine basic types of personalities and that they are driven by a specific set of core motivations, including fears, longings, and weaknesses, then we can decipher our unique way patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving. Without sufficient revelation of these powerful driving forces, we are impotent in our ability to choose. If we don’t know why we are doing what we are doing, we really haven’t a clue how to change it. Knowing is 99% of the battle for personal growth.
Likewise, once we know that we are potentially being driven differently than those with whom we work and live, then we can begin decoding their behavior as well. If you know your husband is driven to create safety and security for himself and others as powerfully as you are driven to seek pleasure and fun in every situation, then you can begin to have empathy for his seemingly incessant need to know where you and the kids are at every moment of the day. You are thinking “ I hope the kids are having fun~ like, the-time-of-their-life fun” and he is thinking, “ I hope they remember to buckle their seatbelts and text when they get to the concert venue.” Imagine a world where everyone was seeking laughs, spontaneity, good food and drinks, and unabashed pleasure all the time. Sounds a bit Romanesque, eh? Well, unfortunately, we know how that story ends. Or a world where we lived with ‘hospital corners’ at every turn? Our boredom meters would certainly be reading red!
Quite simply, we need the balance of differing core motivations to keep society functioning not only properly but healthily. This equates to our relationships as well~ marriage, friendships, workmates, extended family. We are never just ‘one number,’ so it can help us to appreciate both our driving forces and those of folks around us. Together we complete the circle and help one another to balance out. It really is a beautiful model if understood and implemented with grace and a touch of wisdom.
**Descriptions from Your Enneagram Coach Care of Beth McCord.
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